Since Geoffrey Chaucer coined the phrase back in the 1300s, familiarity breeds contempt has become a common understanding in our social psyche. In almost every relationship, the more we know about the person, the more chance there is that we find something that is unlikable.
The thing is, we still need to get along with others. What good is it to hold onto those unlikable characteristics? I would like to think that familiarity breeds what you allow it to breed. If you let it breed contempt, it will ruin a relationship. If you let it breed complacency, you will drag the relationship into the muck.
When we are first enamored with a relationship, whether it is a friendship or a romantic one, we work at being close to the person. We spend hours talking or having fun together, and look for ways to learn more about the person. I submit that this energy is very hard to sustain through a longer relationship. We do tend to take our closest relationships for granted, become complacent, or we start to see the things that we don’t care for in that person.
But it is very important to be purposeful in allowing the first enthusiasm for the relationship to infuse the longstanding relationship. Don’t allow the contempt or complacency to breed. Instead, make time to really communicate with your friend or spouse or significant other. Set aside date nights, or times with friends where you don’t do the usual, but just ask the sometimes difficult questions and address the subjects that need addressing, rather than just letting them slide.
My husband spent a summer in college working with a missionary couple in Kenya. They were a great influence on him, and one of the things that he took away was a great little reminder about relationships. Sometimes it is the annoying habits of a person that become the endearing characteristics during a relationship. If you have a long term relationship, don’t allow your familiarity to breed contempt or complacency. Let it breed endearment, love, and forgiveness!